Ask Us Anything — All’s fair in love and being thin

Image

Dear VodkaVendettas,

I met a friend of a friend 2 years ago and since then we talk pretty often. Bro has been asking me on a date since then but every time I say no, he keeps on asking. He’s kind, smart and whatnot but he’s on the chubby side (very chubby). Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shallow but I totes am! I work my butt off at the gym to shed those vodka calories so I obv expect my next boo to look like Ryan. I lovee talking to chubby-bro but only as a friend. Should I just go on the date and grant his wish or be a nice girl and keep on saying no?

Much love,
Shallow Betch

Dear Shallow Betch,

I’ll be frank. Good relationships have good sex. And if you’re not attracted to this friend-boy, then he’s not going to get your juices flowing and mind-blowing, make-you-forget-Ryan-Gosling-even-exists (LOLJK) sex is going to turn into telling him you have a migraine for the 49th night in a row. And that is not your fault. You can’t help who you are and are not attracted to just like you can’t help that those Jimmy Choos you spent hundreds of dollars on fit better and look better than the less expensive, subpar knock-off version.

Continue reading

People lie. (Lessons learned from Catfish: The TV Show, Manti Te’o and having a brain.)

Image   Image

The world of online dating has been getting a bad rap lately. With Catfish: The TV Show exposing overweight, unattractive men/women/men who want to be women/women who want to be men posing as petite blonde girls with big boobs, and Manti Te’o using the Catfish defense to explain away his return-of-the-dead nonexistent girlfriend, it’s understandable that online dating is suffering a major PR crisis. But, like guns, knives and Crocs, the Internet doesn’t hurt people. People using the Internet hurt people.

Since Mila Kunis gave the thumbs-up to online dating in her Glamour article last June, I really thought this lazy person’s guide to finding a life partner would increase in popularity. But now that cyber courting is getting cyber bullied, I feel like I need to expose the simpleness of this 21st century dating phenom. All you’ve really got to do is use your head.

Continue reading

What The F&%* Did I Just Watch!?: The Bachelor Recap, Week One

wedThe Bachelor is back, and let’s all thank Emily for dumping Sean and allowing us to feast our collective gaze on his shirtless, toned, perfectly bronzed abs once again. Thanks, Em! Hope you’re still having/not having a blast with your homo bro, Jefykins. xoxo, loveyoumeanit.

Sean is probs one of the hottest bachelors we’ve seen in a while (sorry not sorry, Francine Ben). And definitely the only guy from Emily’s season other than Arie that I would actually fuck. Speaking of Arie, what was he doing in this episode? I am totes not complaining, but literally, was he just giving Sean kissing advice? Unclear. Continue reading

The Gifts That Keep On Giving: For the Frenemy

Image

You have your friends, your besties, your I-only-talk-to-you-to-get-notes, your bros, your awkward ex-hookups, your actual exes, your thanks-for-the-drinks-last-nights, your ex’s fraternity brothers, your used-to-be-friends-in-middle-schools, your acquaintances, your I-only-talk-you-because-we-pledged-the-same-sororitys and last, but never least, your frenemies. Continue reading