The Kardashians get a lot of shit. No, I don’t mean the good kind, like Kourtney’s black python Celine Luggage tote (want), but the super jeal haters who troll the interwebz bitching about how they are sucking the life out of television, ruining youthful minds, yada, yada, yada.
So no, we’re not sure how they got famous. It’s some combination of the Kim-Ray J sex tape, Robert Kardashian, Sr. being one of OJ’s 5,000 lawyers, Bruce Jenner being the world’s worst case of plastic surgery gone wrong, or maybe those Olympic gold medals he won (NBD). Or it could be Kris Jenner’s Grammy-award winning music video, “I Love My Friends.” (We do, after all, love our friends.) But I have a better question for you, judgmental jerks: WHO. CARES!?
Not a day goes by that I don’t think, “Where the hell are the cameras following my life?” If someone wanted to pay me to have the most awkward run-ins in history, fight passive-aggressively with my best friend via Twitter, or tell my boyfriend he’s being annoying, um, duh I would say “OK, now where’s my diet pill contract?”
Not only are their lives the most dramatic thing to hit television since the “Donna Martin Graduates” episode of 90210, but they touch on real-life issues and give hope to all ages! Before Scott Disick I would have sworn no man could go from being an arrogant, alcoholic asshole to being a funny, empathetic boyfriend in the span of a year. Kim’s 72-day “marriage,” made me feel better about all 14 of my relationships that lasted under three months. Fail your driver’s test the first go-round? It’s OK, so did Kendall Jenner! Think your Mom is the most annoying woman on the planet? At least she’s not Kris Jenner. And best of all, when I find myself on the floor of the kitchen at 2 a.m. licking Cheeto cheese off my fingers, I know that somewhere in L.A., Rob Kardashian is probably downing a bag of Lay’s and struggling with his food addiction.
So hate on, haters. Because not only are the Kardashians not going anywhere anytime soon (I mean, there are, like, 47 of them!), they’re taking every major city in America, and making millions of dollars doing the more expensive version of what I do everyday.
Just try to rock a center part like they do. Just. Try.
#kj
